Monday, May 6, 2013
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Lessons Learned from Sex and the City
Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte will continue to be in the lexicon of television royalty and for good reason. While the HBO series was a phenomenal success – addressing taboo topics, revealing female conversations about sex and relationships, as well as showing the strength of female friendships, the movies as well had their good points (although many argue there were more drawbacks, than high points, I still enjoy watching each of the movies from time to time).
Needless to say, there is a reason so many of us keep watching the re-runs. There is a reason a new generation is also falling in love with these four women. And for each person, the reasons may be slightly different, but today I’d like to share the dating, fashion and life lessons that I learned while watching (and re-watching) this beloved sitcom.
Dating Lessons
Let him chase you: After all, if a man knows he can have you, you aren’t exactly projecting the image of being his “someone special”. Respect yourself enough to know that you are worth the chase, and if he doesn’t want to chase you, you don’t want him in your life.
Redefining sexy: Let him chase you. A woman who is in love with the life she has created for herself exudes a healthy self-confidence and is curious about getting to know people, yet doesn’t exude any neediness. These qualities or lack-thereof are very attractive. After all, if a man knows he can have you, you aren’t exactly projecting the image of being his “someone special”. Respect yourself enough to know that you are worth the chase, and if he doesn’t want to chase you, you don’t want him in your life.
Slow down: While it can feel like an emotional roller coaster of ecstasy at the beginning of the relationship that you never want to take a break from because it feels surreal, slow down. Always keep in mind that while you may believe you are thinking rationally, your emotions are in a state of euphoria, and it is best to take it slow in order to build a relationship that will last or determine whether the relationship should last. In other words, “moving too fast, too soon usually only causes the spark to extinguish faster.”
Find your equal: You deserve to have a partner, not a project. In other words, you want an adult and more specifically, you want to be with someone who has more similarities with you than differences, a similar drive and passion for life, a similar respect for how the relationship should be handled. And most importantly, you both need to be people who are secure within themselves. While you don’t have to have the same level of education (i.e. Miranda and Steve), to some degree (pun not intended), this can reveal similar ambitions, but there are always exceptions.
Heed the red flags: Sometimes a relationship is not meant to work out, even though we believe there is potential. For example, when Carrie’s high school sweetheart returns to visit her, and she later learns he was in town because he had voluntarily checked himself into a Connecticut mental health facility. This is a red
flag. Another subtle red flag occurred with Birger in the bedroom. If you have to work too hard in the beginning, this may be a sign to get out before you get in too deep.
Know your deal breakers: The first time Carrie called it quits with Big, she refused to be involved any longer with someone who couldn’t be emotional intimate. This is a wonderful example of a deal breaker where she stood her ground whether he understood it or not. By knowing what your deal breakers are, you establish self-respect, and that is the foundation for a sound self-confidence and the likelihood that you will be respected for your stance in a future relationships because you are clear about what you can and can’t live without.
Consider your friends’ intuition: While you and only you know when something feels right, sometimes a good friend may see something that you are unable to see due to your rose-colored-glasses vision. This doesn’t mean you have to abide by their every opinion, but at least take it into consideration. Miranda spoke up to Carrie when she was willing to give her job up to move to Paris with Aleksandr Petrovsky, and in the end, she knew what she was talking about.
Find somebody who is ready to be in a relationship: Timing has a lot to do with the success of a relationship. If one person is ready to settle into something serious while the other simply wants a partner to be at their side while they continue with their busy social life with friends without putting the relationship first, the relationship doesn’t stand a very good chance of going the distance. Carrie constantly had this struggle with Big not being ready to be in a relationship with her, and with Aiden the situation was reversed. Compatibility certainly plays a large role, but so does timing.
Be able to laugh with each other: Charlotte and Harry embody this lesson quite well. So well in fact, that I came to regard them as the most enjoyable couple to watch by the end of the series. They thoroughly enjoyed one another’s company, all the while respecting each others’ eccentricities and individual quirks because they sincerely adored each other.
Fashion Lessons
Know your signature style: Each woman had their own style. Charlotte – a very classic and uptown girl, Miranda – quite professional, yet with a bit of a twist, Miranda – trendy, costume jewelry and colorful, and Carrie’s – unique, but a clear understanding of how to mix trends with classics and was comfortable taking risks that worked with her figure.
Have fun with fashion: Patricia Field, the head-stylist for Sex and the City, quickly acquired, due to the growing success of the show, all sorts of designer wares to choose from. Having so many choices, she was able to play and dive into what fashion is all about – self-expression, each character had a signature style, but she stretched it ever-so-slightly each season. Fashion should be fun, as it is an extension of who we are, but at the same time, it is just fabric and you can wear something different tomorrow.
Mix and match: In the first movie, Carrie wears a black studded belt that Patricia Fields shares was a vintage find. Carrie wears it so many different times in the movie that she allegedly named it ‘Roger’. Paired with dresses and coats, this simple item is the perfect example of mixing high items with low items, new and old items, and feminine items with masculine items. In other words, mix it up.
Accentuate your strengths: Charlotte had the classic pear shaped figure, and she styled her curves sublimely. There were many outfits that Carrie wore that had Charlotte worn the exact same thing, it would not have been flattering. However, Charlotte owned what she had, and I have to say, her classic style always impressed.
Play with trends, but don’t let them define your style: Each season runway trends were seen in Carrie’s wardrobe, but she never fell prey to wearing them exactly as they appeared on the runway. Patricia Fields always played them up or down with accessories, layers, or a unique up-do, but never did the trend overshadow the woman.
Invest in your retirement/home/savings/etc before purchasing a pair of Manolo Blahniks: Very few women will forget the episode where Carrie utters, “I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes.” Certainly the obvious lesson is to put your future, your security, first - then go shopping.
Life Lessons
Don’t live to please or find a man: Each of the four women were loved by the audience because they were unique individuals. More than likely you can relate in some way to at least one of these characters (Carrie’s emotions, Miranda’s determination, Charlotte’s romanticism, Samantha’s risk-taking gumption). But the lesson throughout the entire series and throughout the movies is that they didn’t lose their sense of self even when they were involved with men.
Always keep the hobbies you love, the friends you cherish and the dreams you still long for alive because if a man simply wants a puzzle piece, he’s not going to truly love you for how special you really are. Let them get to know you, gradually, but truthfully, and eventually, you will find someone who you adore for who they are (quirks and all). Live for your dreams and the woman you is continually growing and evolving.
Nurture and be appreciative of your female friendships: The series, at its core, was one about the relationships between these four women. Without their chemistry, loyalty, there would be a huge chasm. Their bond gave them strength, a boost during the tough times that life inevitably will throw at us all at one time or another and someone who allowed them each to be who they were honestly and authentically.
Let go of those who don’t want to be in your life or respect who you really are: Aleksandr Petrovsky.
Financially, be able to take care of yourself: While Carrie’s ability to shop on the budget of a freelance writer was a bit of a fantasy, the one thing all four of the women had were careers. Each woman was able to take care of themselves financially. Follow their lead.
We can plan, but that doesn’t mean it will go as planned: Miranda’s rigid boundaries nearly prevented the relationship with Steve and an eventual move to Brooklyn, but when both occurred, her life unfolded in beautiful ways she hadn’t imagined. While we must always plan, we must also be willing to swerve a bit along the way.
Embrace your singleness:
"The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself," she said. "And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous." – Carrie Bradshaw
Know when to hang on to the right man: While the movies where a bit fairy-taleish, they both demonstrated that as we get older, relationships only become more emotionally involved because we are no longer dating wildly inappropriate people. We do begin to make better decisions, as long as we are conscious about the mistakes we have made in the past. But there will come a time when we find someone who is perfect for us (if indeed that is what we’re looking for), someone who makes life all the more full. Because wherever you are together, it’s home, and that is beautiful.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Wardrobe Essentials
I am a “list” girl, I have created many wardrobe lists for myself in the past based on books I have read, and I continue to edit and tweak as I gather new ideas, using them as a guide, below are my top 10 Wardrobe Essentials that I have found are the most versatile, functional and most importantly, have the ability to allow the beautiful woman that is wearing them to shine.
Quality Jeans
A quality pair of designer jeans is more than worth the price. Not only will they hug your body in the most flattering way imaginable, but you’ll be wearing them for many years to come, you need to pay for a much longer lifetime, quality and a beautiful silhouette was more than worth the price once I had saved up.The versatility of jeans makes them a must have as a foundation piece in your wardrobe. Expand your possibilities by including boot cut, straight leg, a pair to wear with flats and one with heels, and don’t forget boyfriend and trouser jeans as well.
Trench
Begin by purchasing a classic khaki trench which can be paired with jeans, dresses, skirts for either day or evening. The flattering classic belt tie is a wonderful feminine component as it cinches your waist and displays your figure. Once you’ve included khaki, feel free to include colors (red, yellow, green, prints) or other classic tones (black, white or navy). One of my favorite go-to outfits is my dark denim straight leg jeans, ballet flats, a blouse or classic t-shirt and a trench. Viola! I’m ready for just about anything.
Cardigan
Victoria Beckham demonstrates one of the many ways to incorporate a cardigan into your wardrobe. Whether with a dress, skirts, jeans or dress pants, a cardigan can be dressed up or down depending on the situation. Other options include pairing it with a beautiful camisole or sleeveless blouse that shimmers. Let it fall by your sides, or wrap around a belt to look more cohesive.
Dress Pants
A pair of well made dress pants in camel, black, gray or tweed are a wonderful way to bring the element of mixing and matching to your wardrobe. There are many different styles to choose from depending on where you want it to hit on your waist and how you want your leg to look. Wide leg, as shown above has the effect of elongating your leg when paired with a slim fitting blouse and belted waist. A slimmer leg can also pull off a very professional look when paired with a cardigan and blouse. Heels look wonderful when dress pants are worn, so don’t forget to grab your favorite pumps.
Leather Jacket
There are many different types of jackets that you can include in your wardrobe, but a short leather jacket is a versatile piece to have on hand. Paired with jeans for a weekend outing or a casual dress ensemble, it truly allows you quite a bit of freedom when pulling together casual, yet stylish outfits. Black, brown, camel or even jewel tone leather jackets are all options to consider. Always make sure it fits well through the shoulders and the
sleeves hit just below your wrist bone.
White Shirt
Carolina Herrera is a perpetual reminder of the seemingly endless ways a white collared shirt can be worn. With skirts (knee length or full), jeans or dress pants, this is one of the ultimate versatile items to include.
Blouse
Depending on your taste and lifestyle, you will gravitate toward different styles of blouses. Whether they be long sleeve, short sleeve or sleeveless though, you will want to have a few in your closet. Again, pair them with jeans and skirts, layer them with cardigans or jackets, and have the peace of mind knowing you can wear them to work or out on a date.
A Nautical Top
Many essential wardrobe lists don’t include a nautical top or sweater, but if you’re someone who tends to choose casual over dressed up, you will want to include this item. Worn by itself, with a pair of ankle jeans and flats, one’s style factor rises immediately because it looks so effortless, but at the same time so creatively done, when in reality it is simple. In chilly instances, a trench, or short sleeve cardigan look just as chic.
Little Black Dress
Again and again, the little black dress is listed as one of the must have items and truer words have never been spoken, whether you choose to purchase a black sheath dress, black wrap dress or a beautifully short cocktail dress, you are set to look amazing. Always be on the lookout for one that calls your name. You never know when you’ll come across something you can’t imagine not having in your closet for those unplanned, last minute occasions.
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